At the beginning of a new year, we seem to look inward. Starting fresh seems to equal a renewal of disciplines we’ve allowed to slip or have ignored altogether. It’s time to start a new diet, work-out, read devotionals, drink a gallon of water, watch less television, spend less time on phones and Facebook, and swear off fast food forever all while we walk on a treadmill! We decide to change behaviors all in an attempt to answer that annoying inner voice that’s nagging us to be better.

To be honest, I quit making New Year’s resolutions because the list barely made it to March before it ended in the trash! I set my goals so high that an Olympic athlete or Mother Teresa wouldn’t have been able to succeed. I decided to set one goal daily - to be better than the day before at something. I’m not talking about huge feats of greatness but little adjustments even if it’s in my attitude…um, maybe that’s a huge feat, after all! If I can improve at being a Christian, in some capacity, then I can have the discipline it takes to do some of the things I don’t like doing.

The odd thing about Christianity is that it takes an ability to look both inward and outward in order to grow. To be better we have to look inward but to be even better we must look outward. The only reason for self-improvement is to be ready and able to serve others. If we are striving for “the mark of the high calling of Christ” then we are striving to be like Him…a servant. I promise it’s in the Bible and I didn’t make it up!

We live in a world that is flooded with self-serving, self-absorbed and thus, self-sabotaging messages and unfortunately, it has crept into our churches. Self-sacrifice is meant for our new year’s lists but never makes it to March - it sounds good in theory but not in practice. Why? BECAUSE IT IS HARD!

It’s hard to deny SELF! It wants cookies not carrots! It wants mind-numbing television with someone’s reality that looks better or worse than our own. It wants a soothing gospel that costs us little instead of the one that costs us everything. Self is like a hoarder that wants to keep the junk so it can keep the excuses but it’s time to clean out the garage, the closets and the storage room. It’s a great winter project - empty out the trash and then, maybe God can have some breathing room!

We all want “more of God” but we have to do the work to make “less of me”. It won’t happen overnight but making it a priority will yield better results than all the starvation diets I’ve been gone on combined!

Saint Francis said, “You are that which you are seeking.” That said, let’s ask ourselves every day, “Who am I?” The answer should be fairly obvious.

Christmas songs have been on the radio since early November. We drive along trying to get in the holiday spirit amidst the long lines, traffic, and hustle and bustle of the season. Honestly, I never knew quite what hustle and bustle meant. Is someone dancing the hustle while wearing a bustle…I need to Google this. Anyway, the rush is on and by now, I’m growing weary of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and every singer known to mankind doing a version of “The Christmas Song.” Does anyone roast chestnuts on the open fire anymore? If Jack Frost nips at anyone’s nose these days he’ll get pepper sprayed followed by a lawsuit. Oh, the world…the weary world.

It makes me think of one of my favorite songs, “O’ Holy Night.” The words of this classic so beautifully capture the predictive moment when mankind was visited by the miraculous…a Savior was born. The condition of humanity is described and then of all the words, these stand out to me: "'til He appeared and the soul felt its worth." What an arrow to the heart!

Until Jesus appeared in my life, I had no idea of my worth. The mere idea that I was loved so much that death would be a willing exchange for me was beyond my mortal comprehension and still is. However, I accept this by faith and receive it in love with gratitude that I can’t humanly express.

This I know, especially this time of year, there is no amount of money, no diamond big enough, no car elite enough, no house fancy enough, nor closet full enough to even begin to match the true worth the soul feels at His appearing. May I also add, there is no other person that can give you worth - it grows from the inside knowing that Jesus took our insignificance and replaced it with His significance. He made us worthy!

His appearing didn’t happen just one holy night. His appearing comes at the mention of His name, the thought of His love divine, the quoting of His transformative Word, and the carrying on of His ministry to “the least of these.” He comes to the heart that belongs to Him and that’s just it…He comes now because He came then and because He did, a weary world still rejoices, “O’ night divine, O night when Christ was born.” Divine is the only word that could describe it.

I brought my laptop with me tonight. I have two hours to sit and wait while my son, Austin is in a class. This class is at the Ohio State University and is for college-age students with Autistic Spectrum Disorders. The parents sit in the waiting room while our kids are instructed on ways to manage the emotional upheaval that comes with their condition. I’m not going to pretend that it’s not hard. This isn’t a club I wanted to join. My son has struggled just like these other young people. All of them want friends and social lives but aren’t always easily approachable because of the social dysfunction component of Autism. As a result, feelings of sadness, isolation, rejection and loneliness become a frustrating fact of life. Hearing them express their feelings physically hurts my heart. My chair happens to be outside the door. I don’t want to listen yet I do want to listen…two contrasting realities.

It’s interesting to observe how each parent copes with sitting in the waiting room. One has on headphones tuning out the noise. I’d pay him for those right now since another mom is chatting on her cell phone and is so loud that the whole campus must hear her spine-tingling discourse on who has the best fried shrimp in town, what she had to eat today, who is bugging her at work, the last restaurant she went to was way too expensive and the fried shrimp was just okay and on and on. I need anger management tips…wonder where that class is! For the love of all that is sacred, people need to learn cell phone manners or just plain good old-fashioned manners, for that matter. But, is this her way of coping? For us, there is some comfort in the mundane, since days are typically unpredictable, so shame on me! Maybe my clicking away on a laptop is annoying! Not to mention, fried shrimp sounds good all of a sudden…sigh!

Anyway, I notice other parents are reading books. Yes, I said books with pages and everything! I think that says a lot. First, we’re all older parents and have obviously been bypassed by the e-reading generation. Secondly, we savor any free moment that doesn’t involve managing the schedules and care of our kids which only we can understand. There are such highs and lows…again, two contrasting realities.

As I survey the room, I conclude that all of us look weary and tired. Oh, if I could read minds. All we want is a cure. A waiting room filled with parents who love their kids and just want them better. There are amazing gifts that come with Autism but the hurts often overshadow the endowments. We rush to fix a hurt long before we applaud a talent-it’s just human nature and definitely, Christian nature. Our hearts are touched with compassion before our minds are stimulated by ability. It’s simply the character of God.

Tonight, my heart wants to be a first-responder in this relief effort. I want to make everyone feel better but all I can do is sit here and wait. I can pray but I still have to wait. I’m not just waiting for class to be over… I’m waiting in a different way.

Isaiah 40:31 (Amplified) “But they that wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.”

God is the forever first-responder and brings our much needed relief but it’s our choice to look at things or look for Him. I promise you this, if your hope is in Him… He is always worth the wait.