This was the easiest and hardest title to choose. Since I’ve been staring at the screen for a while, all I’ve seen is the blinking of the cursor. I felt like it was taunting me and saying, “Go ahead, just try and move me!” It’s not the only thing that’s taunted or maybe, haunted me. My laptop is in a bag, which I keep in my room, where I do most of my writing. I’ve walked by said bag countless times. I’ve stared at it and swear it’s been mocking me too, “Go ahead, pick me up and at least move me from this spot!” I moved the bag by my favorite “writing chair” and decided it clashed with my décor of all things!
Yep, I’ve had it bad! I’ve had a severe case of writer’s block that’s been accompanied by a severe case of excuse-making to myself, God or anyone else that has asked. Speaking of excuses, my phone is ringing! See how busy I always am?! Hmm…That was my husband telling me he was hungry as if I was to magically do something about it over the phone! See how distracted I always am?! I’ve had two calls, seven text messages, and two dogs interrupting me (I don’t mean my husband either). See how hard it is to get a minute of peace?!
If I’m being honest, I haven’t wanted to write. I couldn’t bring myself to settle my mind long enough to string some thoughts together because none of my thoughts were making much sense. I try too hard to figure things out; there has to be a reason for things or some answer. I will contemplate and analyze a situation for combined hours. See how preoccupied I can be?! However, some things cannot be explained. What can’t be explained requires something from us…trust in someone that has the explanation. Where there’s a student, there’s always a master. I think you know where I’m going with this. In the case of being a Christian, we are always the student because Jesus is forever the Master.
Once we accept our station in this relationship, it’s a sigh of relief. We don’t have to do the heavy lifting, know everything or shoulder the responsibility alone. In a world where uncertainty abounds, it’s so comforting to have the Lord to depend on. Every time I’d stare at this computer screen, I kept thinking that I needed to explain the last three weeks. A lot has happened that has profoundly affected me, not the least of which was the sudden death of two people I cared about. I have no answer for that. I have no reason for it either. I can’t find the logic in people mourning the loss of loved ones…I can only feel hurt for them and myself, for that matter. What I can find is assurance. What I do know is that God is always there when answers aren’t.
It really is okay to just show up and whisper His name – showing up is sometimes all we can do. He gets it and He gets us. So often, we make it harder than it has to be when all we need to do is trust. Trust says, "I’m here and I know You’re there." Trust says, "I don’t know but I know You do." Trust is silent, but it speaks volumes. Trust just says yes.