This was the easiest and hardest title to choose. Since I’ve been staring at the screen for a while, all I’ve seen is the blinking of the cursor. I felt like it was taunting me and saying, “Go ahead, just try and move me!” It’s not the only thing that’s taunted or maybe, haunted me. My laptop is in a bag, which I keep in my room, where I do most of my writing. I’ve walked by said bag countless times. I’ve stared at it and swear it’s been mocking me too, “Go ahead, pick me up and at least move me from this spot!” I moved the bag by my favorite “writing chair” and decided it clashed with my décor of all things!

Yep, I’ve had it bad! I’ve had a severe case of writer’s block that’s been accompanied by a severe case of excuse-making to myself, God or anyone else that has asked. Speaking of excuses, my phone is ringing! See how busy I always am?! Hmm…That was my husband telling me he was hungry as if I was to magically do something about it over the phone! See how distracted I always am?! I’ve had two calls, seven text messages, and two dogs interrupting me (I don’t mean my husband either). See how hard it is to get a minute of peace?!

If I’m being honest, I haven’t wanted to write. I couldn’t bring myself to settle my mind long enough to string some thoughts together because none of my thoughts were making much sense. I try too hard to figure things out; there has to be a reason for things or some answer. I will contemplate and analyze a situation for combined hours. See how preoccupied I can be?! However, some things cannot be explained. What can’t be explained requires something from us…trust in someone that has the explanation. Where there’s a student, there’s always a master. I think you know where I’m going with this. In the case of being a Christian, we are always the student because Jesus is forever the Master.

Once we accept our station in this relationship, it’s a sigh of relief. We don’t have to do the heavy lifting, know everything or shoulder the responsibility alone. In a world where uncertainty abounds, it’s so comforting to have the Lord to depend on. Every time I’d stare at this computer screen, I kept thinking that I needed to explain the last three weeks. A lot has happened that has profoundly affected me, not the least of which was the sudden death of two people I cared about. I have no answer for that. I have no reason for it either. I can’t find the logic in people mourning the loss of loved ones…I can only feel hurt for them and myself, for that matter. What I can find is assurance. What I do know is that God is always there when answers aren’t.

It really is okay to just show up and whisper His name – showing up is sometimes all we can do. He gets it and He gets us. So often, we make it harder than it has to be when all we need to do is trust. Trust says, "I’m here and I know You’re there." Trust says, "I don’t know but I know You do." Trust is silent, but it speaks volumes. Trust just says yes.

Well, a lot has happened since I wrote part one on this topic. Nonetheless, it’s still a very prevalent subject in my own personal “civil war”. I’ve written a great deal on perspective and how we can be our own worst enemy. For years, I’ve said that “growth is gaining perspective and Christian growth is about gaining God’s perspective.” What would life be like if we could just be Christ-minded; to see what God sees and how He sees…and not just some of the time.

We are trained to look through the eyes of someone else; always wondering what they may be seeing or thinking. If we’re not doing that, we’re measuring things on our own yardstick. When that happens, not only do others fall short of the mark but so do we. Let’s not even get started on how we see our circumstances! I’ve certainly cried a river or two while drowning in self-pity and gasping that, “No one could possibly have as dreadful a life as I do”!

There are moments that my lack of proper perspective gets interrupted and I think sensibly and apologetically. I’m humbled by God’s grace that lines me up and out and does so as He guides me into maturity…even when I’ve behaved in child-like fashion. That’s a nice way of saying that I’ve acted like a teenage brat!

Our battleground is in our minds. If we’re not renewing and refreshing them in God’s Word, then we only have the stale imprint of past failures and a defeatist attitude making sure we notice them. We can have the world’s outlook, our outlook, or God’s outlook. The choice seems simple but isn’t. It takes work and determination to keep thinking what God says about you and your circumstances. It’s actually a compliment when things get tough. God is saying you’re tough enough to handle it and He’s got you covered; there’s scripture after scripture that says so but we have to read it to know it! The Bible isn’t a buried treasure but it sure is a treasure when we’re buried!

It’s easy to know the beginning and the end of something…it’s the “in-between” that’s the difficult part! That’s the time we have to trust that when it’s raining, God promised a rainbow. I know it’s trite but in the meantime, I’m grabbing an umbrella!

A dear friend sent me this poem that I read as a reminder to keep proper perspective so my attitude will then follow. When you read it, you’ll know why I call this battle “The War of the Roses”…..

The Sculptor’s Attitude

I woke up early today excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight.
I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or…
I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or…
I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or…
I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or…
I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or…
I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or…
I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or…
I can shout for joy because I have a job to go to.

Today I can complain because I have to do housework or…
I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped.
And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!!!

Have a GREAT DAY… unless you have other plans.

There are defining moments in a person’s life, we all know that. More importantly, there are defining moments in the life of a child that shape who they are…forever. My parents raised my sisters and me to be avid readers and love books. It wasn’t a suggestion; it was a way of life. For that gift, I am and will be eternally grateful. We are still avid readers and we still love books.

We grew up in the sixties and seventies and didn’t have the technologies that have become fixtures in our current lives. We had three television channels and one telephone…oh, the horror! What would today’s kids do with that?! I hope the same thing that we did. We made our own movies, our own fun, and used this thing called an imagination. Much of what we did came from something we read in a book. Yes, a book!

When we were very young, I can remember getting to go to the newly built Public Library in our community. My mom took the three of us and we were so excited. I remember getting to go to the counter where the librarian handed me a card with my name on it-wow, my very own library card! I got to check out my stack of books and use my card. I felt so proud and so big! My sisters had their stacks and off we went anxiously waiting to get home to our books and read. It’s funny, but I can still remember the smell of that library and how intently I watched the librarian stamp the return date on the card. The whole idea of the library was a thrill!

But…it didn’t stop there! We didn’t get to read just what we wanted; we also had to read something else. My dad came home with the evening newspaper and we were expected to read current events to gain an understanding of what was going on in the world around us. So, we became familiar with news, sports, arts, entertainment, and human interest stories. I didn’t realize it then but my parents were trying to create three well-rounded daughters who were also well-versed in many areas and it was done through being well-read. I appreciate the atmosphere of learning that my parents created for us…we carried on the tradition with our kids too.

I’m not saying that reading is the only thing that shapes a child but it does open one’s eyes to the world created by others through words. Words are important! God spoke the world into existence by using words. Words area creative force and can be used to harm or heal; build or tear down.

Words create a visual. If someone says newspaper, I can envision my parents reading and their three girls sprawled out on the living room floor reading too. Someone can say a word and a memory surfaces and evokes emotion. I can hear the words hot bread and immediately picture my Grandma’s kitchen table covered with her fresh baked rolls and I can even remember the smell. Words can even stimulate our senses-they are that powerful.

God gave us words and He also gave us a book. The Bible is our book, our standard, our history, and our hope. Where would we be without it and most importantly, who would we be without it? This book explains our yesterday, graces our today and hopes for our tomorrow. It gives us an experience no other book can…it doesn’t have an ending! No book can promise a forever or a real “happily ever after”. No author has written that story and no library has housed that copy. There is only one… one story, one Savior, one Cross, and one love…all in just one book.

I can remember three special books that my sisters and I carried every Sunday. Mine was white leather and it zipped with a cross and had my name on the front cover in gold. I remember how I felt when I got that book. It felt different than when I got that library card. What I got at the library was good stories but what I got from that little white Bible was the story and… there was no return date stamped on the card.

I want to thank all of you for your support during these last weeks of difficulty-I guess I don’t know what else to call it. The end of life for someone is simply hard to watch and hard to endure. My next post addresses the subject of grief and the challenges of going on in the face of it. I put a few other posts on hold to discuss this life experience. It seemed more appropriate anyway.

I’m actually writing this on a plane as we travel back home. We took a few days away to just be before the Lord and be with each other. It was a working trip with some free moments attached to it. All I can say is… prayers were felt! I thank you deeply for your kind words of encouragement and the prayers that have strengthened us each and every day.

It is a wonderful thing to be part of God’s family where people genuinely care. Compassion is an outgrowth of love and we have been the blessed beneficiaries of both.

We now have the task of settling back in to normal life that feels very abnormal now. God is ever-present and has been the loving Father we know Him to be. However, we are still in “that place” and I’ll talk about it more in the post to come.

While we were gone, I watched the beautiful, vast ocean one afternoon. I became fascinated by the surfers. They are a patient group! They sat on their boards, in the still water, for long periods of time just waiting and watching. They were looking for the direction of the waves to swim towards and ride. Most of them could catch that wave and ride it all the way to the shore and then, go right back out again.

I thought a lot about grief being so much like that. Things are still and quiet and then a wave of emotion comes and I know I can either drown in it or ride to shore where it’s safe. However, being patient through the process is important…there is a time to mourn. But, there is always a safe place…always.

Thank you so much, once again! I love you all and pray that the God of all Grace meets you at the point of your need for He is our FAITHFUL SUPPLY!

Perhaps it’s just me but does anyone else have their fair (or maybe unfair) share of difficult people to deal with?! I’m surprised I have a tongue left since I have to bite it so much to keep from saying what I’d really like to! Oh, the conversations I’ve had or the speeches I’ve rehearsed to these people…all in my mind and after the fact, of course! It’s in moments where they’ve said or done the exasperating; where attempting to engage in a rational conversation about the issue at hand is as impossible as eating chocolate for every meal and staying a size 2! (And if you can do that, you’ve just made my list of difficult people!)

Okay, don’t start wondering who I’m talking about…I’ll never tell! Let’s face it; all of us encounter difficult people in a day. It can be anywhere from someone you know to someone you don’t. You know the ones - the rude cashier, the discourteous driver, the impolite server at a restaurant and let’s not start on those who work at the BMV! I’d rather get a root canal than go to the BMV - it’s much less painful! More and more people have offensive behavior and so the offensive list goes on. The key word is offense. If we’re not careful we can be the ones to get offended and carry around quite a “chip on our shoulder”. Our guard goes up and our walls don’t come down.

There is one solution and I don’t always like it...but I need it. There are times when I want to “say a thing”! Not long ago, I was checking out at a store and the cashier was so rude. It was one thing after another and topped off with, “I can barely read your name on your credit card; I’ll have to see your ID.” Not usually a big deal but she took my driver’s license and examined it like the FBI and held up the picture to my face to make sure we were a match. I was getting embarrassed since it looked like I was a suspicious character trying to use a stolen credit card. Finally, she gave me the okay and then complained that she couldn’t hear me along with a few more things when I asked for a receipt. Yikes, as if! I thought for a minute and looked at her. I wanted to tell her how rude she was and that she should get a job as a prison guard or something! But then I wondered what her life could be like. Was she angry, was she tired, was she in a bad marriage, did she have teenagers (that could make anyone cranky!), was she verbally or physically abused, did she have financial problems? Moreover, could I have compassion instead of anger? Sigh…what would Jesus do?! We know the answer. We may not like the answer but we know it, nonetheless. So I kept my mouth shut, thanked her and wished her a happy weekend. Then I left and remembered the sage wisdom of a friend who told me to “always answer with prayer".

Prayer has a way of adjusting our attitudes. It’s when we approach God that we're reminded that He is love and we were made in that image. We were made in the image of love. In prayer, we open our hearts to receive Him and in His presence so consequently, bitterness, negativity, and offenses can’t remain. Those gloomy feelings melt away in the warmth of the light and love of His reparative presence. If our Redeemer said our sins are cast into “the sea of forgetfulness” then we only have one choice. We have to allow those offenses from others to drown in that sea of redemption and forgiveness too. Where would we be without our Savior’s redemption? (I don’t even want to know!)

Oh, but sometimes this forgiveness thing is so hard! We’re hurt, injured, upset and feel like throwing that offense a life-preserver before it drowns! We need it to stay around a little longer in order to justify our words or actions…um, I admit it - guilty! On the other hand, I’m not saying to be a doormat, but we do need a filter not a fit! When we just stop a minute before reacting, we can let the God in us overpower the “us” in us!

There are times we can tell someone that they’ve said or done something hurtful, especially those we know and have relationships with. It still can’t change our response in the end. We may not get the “I’m sorry” that we want or deserve but we don’t get a “get out of jail free card” either. Our right to be right ended the day we asked Jesus to be Lord; we had to give up the throne!

Yeah, yeah…I get it. "But what about my hurt feelings?" Well, well, well…Your feelings matter because YOU matter. He loves you through that hurt and harm and tends to your wounds and bruises. We must quiet down long enough to think of how we need Him so then, we can let Him. To let means to let go…let it ALL go! God has big shoulders and He can bear anything!

People can be thoughtless and careless for many reasons. Praying for these difficult people keeps our hearts right and therefore, ready to receive from God. I was hurt just this week by someone I care about (and isn't that the hardest kind?). While I was driving, I began to pray and this scripture came to me, “Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10 English Standard Version). It worked!

I’ll tell you what happened next week! We’ll also find out who’s doing the fighting in “The War of the Roses”…tune in next week for Part Two!