Okay, I know we are not to believe in Magic. What do you call it when you can make something appear or disappear? Is there magician school? Are there books, websites, places where rabbits are trained to come out of hats? I don’t know anything about it, but have been very amazed and impressed by professional illusionists. However, I’ve been fooled and been depressed by disillusionment just the same.

Well, magicians study and are trained to trick the naked human eye... but what if we COULD have actual magic powers?

This past week marked the first anniversary of my beloved Father’s passing. After the pain I’ve endured for a full year, I can finally, happily call it his graduation celebration as he received the eternal reward that he so richly deserved. All that his life on earth lacked was gained the moment he entered paradise and saw his blessed Redeemer. My dad is in heaven. My heart is full at the very thought that he is there and I plan on living in the shadows of righteousness cast by him and of course, my Savior. I want to see them both!

The words you’ll read below were written in the first month after he chose to go home. They are unapologetically honest because grief is real and this was an experience I’d not faced before. Maybe others can go through this with much greater resolve but I felt it all to the core. I wrote with extreme detail only because I was answering the questions that I would ask myself when others dealt with personal loss. The who, what, when, why, and how had always pervaded my thoughts but there is no script or manual giving us the exact way to deal with loss. Because each of our hearts are different, so are our reactions. This is my raw and personal story and it’s the unedited version. I struggled with posting out of fear of being so transparent but if this is relatable and can help any person, then it’s my sacrificial duty and honor. It may be about me but it’s not for me.

Along with these unimaginable events we currently face, who among us isn’t yearning for something that settles the mind or leads it to further explanation of this tragic crisis. I find myself peering at my emotional state as though it were a kaleidoscope; with every twist and turn, a different set of shapes and colors, but really not creating a solid picture. I have learned that when the outside seems to make little sense, a look inside will certainly lead somewhere and this seems to be where I landed. Character is often ignored amongst all our quests yet should be the significant treasure we all should wish to accumulate and leave as a pristine gift that continues to impart throughout time.

That said, these verses began to flow about who we are and what we are leaving every day.

A Special Note from Joni

First, thank you for joining me and becoming a part of my world in writing. I’ve spent years blogging and loving every minute of it. When I can have an opportunity to express God, His incomparable love, and what He has done for me and for others, I am so honored to have such an outlet. I have been absent for many months but felt that there was only one obvious decision to make. Nonetheless, the Holy Spirit has always encouraged me to write through my pain and I never stopped writing. I have some very special moments and truths that God has shown me that I’m anxious to share.

A Daughter's Diary - Things I Wanted to Say and Never Wanted to Say

Although I speak in the first person and of my own experience, I’d feel amiss if I didn’t include my sisters, my lifelong companions, Julie and Jenny. A sibling, especially sisters, are the holders of your history. God spoke and our personal Genesis began and I saw that it was good (sorry to plagiarize the Bible)! The experiences I share in this were experiences shared by my two sisters as well. This is the story of us … and a few words about our dad. We may have different chapters, each personal and eventful but impactful, nonetheless. I respect their histories, perspectives and the memories they have that I’m not even aware of. We’ve shared so much in life but never wanted to share this in death.