I brought my laptop with me tonight. I have two hours to sit and wait while my son, Austin is in a class. This class is at the Ohio State University and is for college-age students with Autistic Spectrum Disorders. The parents sit in the waiting room while our kids are instructed on ways to manage the emotional upheaval that comes with their condition. I’m not going to pretend that it’s not hard. This isn’t a club I wanted to join. My son has struggled just like these other young people. All of them want friends and social lives but aren’t always easily approachable because of the social dysfunction component of Autism. As a result, feelings of sadness, isolation, rejection and loneliness become a frustrating fact of life. Hearing them express their feelings physically hurts my heart. My chair happens to be outside the door. I don’t want to listen yet I do want to listen…two contrasting realities.

It’s interesting to observe how each parent copes with sitting in the waiting room. One has on headphones tuning out the noise. I’d pay him for those right now since another mom is chatting on her cell phone and is so loud that the whole campus must hear her spine-tingling discourse on who has the best fried shrimp in town, what she had to eat today, who is bugging her at work, the last restaurant she went to was way too expensive and the fried shrimp was just okay and on and on. I need anger management tips…wonder where that class is! For the love of all that is sacred, people need to learn cell phone manners or just plain good old-fashioned manners, for that matter. But, is this her way of coping? For us, there is some comfort in the mundane, since days are typically unpredictable, so shame on me! Maybe my clicking away on a laptop is annoying! Not to mention, fried shrimp sounds good all of a sudden…sigh!

Anyway, I notice other parents are reading books. Yes, I said books with pages and everything! I think that says a lot. First, we’re all older parents and have obviously been bypassed by the e-reading generation. Secondly, we savor any free moment that doesn’t involve managing the schedules and care of our kids which only we can understand. There are such highs and lows…again, two contrasting realities.

As I survey the room, I conclude that all of us look weary and tired. Oh, if I could read minds. All we want is a cure. A waiting room filled with parents who love their kids and just want them better. There are amazing gifts that come with Autism but the hurts often overshadow the endowments. We rush to fix a hurt long before we applaud a talent-it’s just human nature and definitely, Christian nature. Our hearts are touched with compassion before our minds are stimulated by ability. It’s simply the character of God.

Tonight, my heart wants to be a first-responder in this relief effort. I want to make everyone feel better but all I can do is sit here and wait. I can pray but I still have to wait. I’m not just waiting for class to be over… I’m waiting in a different way.

Isaiah 40:31 (Amplified) “But they that wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.”

God is the forever first-responder and brings our much needed relief but it’s our choice to look at things or look for Him. I promise you this, if your hope is in Him… He is always worth the wait.

Perhaps it’s just me but does anyone else have their fair (or maybe unfair) share of difficult people to deal with?! I’m surprised I have a tongue left since I have to bite it so much to keep from saying what I’d really like to! Oh, the conversations I’ve had or the speeches I’ve rehearsed to these people…all in my mind and after the fact, of course! It’s in moments where they’ve said or done the exasperating; where attempting to engage in a rational conversation about the issue at hand is as impossible as eating chocolate for every meal and staying a size 2! (And if you can do that, you’ve just made my list of difficult people!)

Okay, don’t start wondering who I’m talking about…I’ll never tell! Let’s face it; all of us encounter difficult people in a day. It can be anywhere from someone you know to someone you don’t. You know the ones - the rude cashier, the discourteous driver, the impolite server at a restaurant and let’s not start on those who work at the BMV! I’d rather get a root canal than go to the BMV - it’s much less painful! More and more people have offensive behavior and so the offensive list goes on. The key word is offense. If we’re not careful we can be the ones to get offended and carry around quite a “chip on our shoulder”. Our guard goes up and our walls don’t come down.

There is one solution and I don’t always like it...but I need it. There are times when I want to “say a thing”! Not long ago, I was checking out at a store and the cashier was so rude. It was one thing after another and topped off with, “I can barely read your name on your credit card; I’ll have to see your ID.” Not usually a big deal but she took my driver’s license and examined it like the FBI and held up the picture to my face to make sure we were a match. I was getting embarrassed since it looked like I was a suspicious character trying to use a stolen credit card. Finally, she gave me the okay and then complained that she couldn’t hear me along with a few more things when I asked for a receipt. Yikes, as if! I thought for a minute and looked at her. I wanted to tell her how rude she was and that she should get a job as a prison guard or something! But then I wondered what her life could be like. Was she angry, was she tired, was she in a bad marriage, did she have teenagers (that could make anyone cranky!), was she verbally or physically abused, did she have financial problems? Moreover, could I have compassion instead of anger? Sigh…what would Jesus do?! We know the answer. We may not like the answer but we know it, nonetheless. So I kept my mouth shut, thanked her and wished her a happy weekend. Then I left and remembered the sage wisdom of a friend who told me to “always answer with prayer".

Prayer has a way of adjusting our attitudes. It’s when we approach God that we're reminded that He is love and we were made in that image. We were made in the image of love. In prayer, we open our hearts to receive Him and in His presence so consequently, bitterness, negativity, and offenses can’t remain. Those gloomy feelings melt away in the warmth of the light and love of His reparative presence. If our Redeemer said our sins are cast into “the sea of forgetfulness” then we only have one choice. We have to allow those offenses from others to drown in that sea of redemption and forgiveness too. Where would we be without our Savior’s redemption? (I don’t even want to know!)

Oh, but sometimes this forgiveness thing is so hard! We’re hurt, injured, upset and feel like throwing that offense a life-preserver before it drowns! We need it to stay around a little longer in order to justify our words or actions…um, I admit it - guilty! On the other hand, I’m not saying to be a doormat, but we do need a filter not a fit! When we just stop a minute before reacting, we can let the God in us overpower the “us” in us!

There are times we can tell someone that they’ve said or done something hurtful, especially those we know and have relationships with. It still can’t change our response in the end. We may not get the “I’m sorry” that we want or deserve but we don’t get a “get out of jail free card” either. Our right to be right ended the day we asked Jesus to be Lord; we had to give up the throne!

Yeah, yeah…I get it. "But what about my hurt feelings?" Well, well, well…Your feelings matter because YOU matter. He loves you through that hurt and harm and tends to your wounds and bruises. We must quiet down long enough to think of how we need Him so then, we can let Him. To let means to let go…let it ALL go! God has big shoulders and He can bear anything!

People can be thoughtless and careless for many reasons. Praying for these difficult people keeps our hearts right and therefore, ready to receive from God. I was hurt just this week by someone I care about (and isn't that the hardest kind?). While I was driving, I began to pray and this scripture came to me, “Create in me a clean heart, O God and renew a right spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10 English Standard Version). It worked!

I’ll tell you what happened next week! We’ll also find out who’s doing the fighting in “The War of the Roses”…tune in next week for Part Two!

It’s the first day of May already! When I was in elementary school, I remember May 1^st was called May Day and we would go into the gymnasium and do some dance around the “maypole”. I never really knew why we did it but if it got me out of class, I was happy! Apparently, there is a great deal of controversy on its origin and some even say it’s a pagan ritual. Does it really matter? I’m not dancing around a maypole anytime soon nor have I since my childhood!

Mayday, as a word, is also a signal of distress that’s used in an emergency. I researched (actually, I admit that I Googled it) why that particular word was used and it’s derived from the French venez maider, meaning “come help me”. Hmmm…how interesting! This word was created for mariners and aviators but is used by other transportation vehicles too. The call is to be given three times in a row and is supposed to be loud enough to drown out any other noise. A mayday relay call is made on behalf of someone else in distress. Often, one vessel would make the call for another vessel needing immediate attention. I think you know where I’m going with this!

For us, this last month has been a series of events that were unexpected and critical. These situations occurred on top of those we deal with on a daily basis. It’s though we get up in the morning expecting the day to go one way and it takes a detour into strange waters with a strong current. When I woke up today, I wondered if I should hide under the covers or get out of bed to face it all…just being honest. There are those moments when your faith hasn’t kicked in to tell you anything different. Our faith does speak but in my case, it was yelling, “Mayday Mayday Mayday”! I didn’t ask my faith to be a cheerleader chanting, “You can do it, You can do it, You can, You can”! I wasn’t “stirring up the gift within me” or allowing my faith confessions to take over. I simply cried out to God, “Come Help Me”!

I remember an episode of “Brady Bunch” where the boys were competing with the girls in building a house of cards. This was one of my favorite shows as a kid…we only had three channels back then! Anyway, the winner won the stamps to redeem something they wanted. In the “old days”, we used to have green stamps that could be collected and then redeemed at a center. I always loved going there and remember my sisters and I having to put all the stamps in these little booklets before we could go. To continue, the Brady boys wanted a boat and the girls wanted a sewing machine because the place was going out of business. The competition gets intense as each sibling builds the tower and we were breathless as we watched! As they neared the top it was time for poor Jan, the gawky middle sister, to have her turn but wait…she was wearing a charm bracelet that nearly upset the whole thing! Whew, that Jan! The boys were ready to win but suddenly, Tiger (the family dog) runs into Greg as he’s placing the last card on the stack and the house of cards tumbles down-OH NO! MayDay Mayday Mayday!

Well, you guessed it, the girls won! They went to the Redemption Center to get their sewing machine but, as the wholesome show would have it, the sisters led by perfect older sister “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” (Brady fans inside joke) felt bad for the boys and decided to get a color TV for everyone to enjoy! Applause! Cheers!

I said all that to ask this…Is there nothing to drown out all the noise in our worrisome minds? Is there a Tiger running toward us? Does life feel like a house of cards and we are competing with the enemy for our “stuff”? By stuff I’m talking about everything that belongs to us as children of God; what His Word promises those who have been redeemed. Those stamps entitled the Brady girls to get something. God’s Word is our book of stamps and redemption center all in one! It also entitles us to claim those promises for someone else and shout that Mayday relay call.

No matter who’s in distress, we can shout “come help”! He knows before we even ask but…we are the ones that have to realize who we are and whose we are. We may be in the boat, being tossed to and fro, but so is Jesus and He never shouts, “Mayday”! He goes to the bow of the boat, as He did in the gospels, and shouts, “Peace, Be Still.” That peace enables us to pick up our house of cards and build, once again… and even have the steadiness of Jan Brady!

*I received an email a few weeks ago that touched my heart so deeply I had to share it. It was written by a precious lady that serves wholeheartedly in our church. Her heart is so tender and pure that I knew her story was earnest while reflective. Thank you to Gabriella Nagy for writing this beautiful story and allowing me to share it with the Journal family.

The Treasure Box

A few weeks ago, God reminded me of a “little story” that I wrote more that fifteen years ago. I kept it in the back of my Hungarian Bible for so long and never shared it with anyone, except my family.

I married a missionary and that life came with a lot of moving. When our daughter was three years old, we moved back to America. We told her she could only bring a few of her favorite toys that could fit in a small box. Once we were back in the states, we moved three times in six months. Our daughter still carried her little box with her everywhere she went; we started calling it her treasure box. Gabriella wouldn’t let anyone touch this box; it was very precious to her. In her eyes, everything in it was extremely valuable.

One day, we moved into my brother in-law’s basement so I was very busy cleaning, unpacking, and moving things around. I was determined to finish everything by the time my husband came home from work. In the middle of my work, little Gabriella came to me holding her treasure box and said, “Mommy, here is my box. You can pick anything you want from my box and keep it but please, will you play with me?” I told her I was busy right then but I would play with her when I was done.

The day went by quickly, and it was nighttime, before I realized my daughter had fallen asleep. As I covered her with a blanket, I looked at her sweet face and thought she looked like a beautiful little angel. In that moment something caught my eye beside her pillow…it was the treasure box. Only then did I remember my promise to her. My heart broke and tears filled my eyes. I realized that when she offered me that box, filled with her precious little toys, she had offered me her love. It was though she was saying, “Mommy, I love you and I’ll give you anything you want if you’ll just spend time with me.” I was so hurt knowing that I’d ignored her and now, it was too late…I’d missed a valuable moment.

Just then, I sensed God speaking to my heart and teaching me an important lesson. “My child, He gently whispered, I also have a treasure box sent from Heaven filled with many gifts; I gave it to the world out of my great love. This treasure is Jesus. Many people are too busy to take the time to accept what he offers. They may take the time to take a glance at him but they never open the treasure nor accept it as their own. In Him, are the treasures of love, peace, forgiveness, healing and so much more! I gave my greatest treasure to the world…my son, Jesus Christ. All people have to do is accept this gift by opening their hearts and receiving it.”

I learned a life-changing lesson that day. What will we do with this treasure offered to us by God? I hope you won’t be like me; too busy to stop, look at my daughter’s treasure box, and accept it with love. To us, Jesus is that treasure box. He wants us to realize that we can access all the great treasures found in Him and just like my daughter did, we can carry it with us wherever we go.

Well…I have an interesting day ahead. My life’s course took a little detour mid-December in the form of an accident leading to an injury leading to a nuisance! I have surgery to repair torn ligaments, in my knee, in a few hours. I’ve had my routine interrupted and I don’t like it! So, I try to contemplate and find God in it all. Surely, He will help me find the silver lining in this cloud! Years ago, I remember reading something and I’ve never forgotten it, “Every cloud is a flag to God’s faithfulness.”

If we could mark every battle we’ve been through, we could see God’s faithfulness. When a battle is won, you’ll see a soldier plant their country’s flag. That flag says, “This is ours now, we won!” Looking back, I can see God’s grace and it is as amazing as that classic hymn describes!

I think back on the night of my injury. It was a dark, cold December night but outside I heard my son in distress. I didn’t stop and think, I ran! It was an instant reaction and off I went. When I ran to get to him, I stumbled in a hole in the yard since it was damp and dark! My knee had multiple tears, as a result, according to the doctors. All that really mattered was…my son was okay.

Oh well! The real story is how God rescues us, exactly the same way, when we're in distress. He has an instant reaction too! And all that really matters is... we're okay.

So I’ve taken a side-trip…literally and figuratively! I’ll have a few weeks of recovery so I hope to write more! In the meantime…I’ll be planting flags!